Wedding Planning

I knew wedding planning wouldn't be easy, but holy shit I did not know how bad it would be.

After my fiance ordered the ring, we went ahead and started planning, made a few purchases, etc.  I wanted a Hallowe'en themed wedding, and he ordered the ring mid October, so we'd have over a year to plan.

I'd already made a few decisions regarding how traditional I wanted it to be.  I didn't want a ceremony, for instance.  I'd go to the courthouse, sign the paper, then throw a big party for all my friends.  I thought centerpieces on the tables was overdone; I'd ask the guests to bring a carved pumpkin instead, use those as centerpieces.  I wasn't going to bother with serving a full meal, I'd do buffet-style snack foods instead.

Then we told his parents.

I love my future in-laws.  They are amazing people.  They have two sons, my fiance being the oldest.  I quickly realized that this was, in their minds, going to be a big ordeal... for them.

First, they asked why we were planning before I'd gotten a ring.  I agreed to it being ordered, which in our minds, was as good as saying yes.  To them, it wasn't.  But they got over that quick enough...

Then, they started to offer to pay for just about everything.  The food? We'll cover it.  Decorations?  Let us know when you're going out shopping, we'll chip in.  It just kept going.  I had already decided to give each part of the family a 'job' which they would cover, they had control over... but nothing else.  There's only so many ways you can gracefully decline.

Of course, then they started to tell me that things were not enough.  Pumpkins as centerpieces? You'll have to have something else on the tables, too.  We'll have hamburgers and hot dogs and chicken on the barbecue, why wouldn't you want to serve your guests?

I think they thought I was trying to fit the budget, and they didn't want me to feel like I couldn't do things because of money.  They grew up poor, I grew up poor, so its a valid reason.  I really need to sit down with them and explain my reasoning.  I just wonder why its socially acceptable for someone to say, 'No no, we'll do it this way' instead of, 'What would you like to do?'